by Ron Spangler
The great and wondrous leader Barack Obama called upon his followers to gather in front of their televisions and said unto them, "Follow me for we are on the brink of a great disaster the like of which we have not seen since the Great Depression. Open your wallets and your children' wallets and I will save you from walking off the precipice that is before you." His followers without question opened their wallets and bankrupt their children for decades to come because the magnificent one said, "Do not fear for I am in charge and I will lead you to the land of prosperity." This was the great disaster known as the Troubled Asset Relief Program (TARP).
As unemployment began to rise the all knowing leader Barack Obama called upon his followers and said unto them, "Follow me for I am the all knowing and wise leader that shall smite the wicked ways of the bankers and Wall Street Fat Cats that have destroyed our economy. I will force them to take your money and thereby gain control of all of the decisions they make, for only I am wise enough to make those decisions." Again his followers fell to their knees and praised the wise and all knowing Obama, feeling blessed that they finally had a leader worth following.
Next the glorious leader called upon his gathering of followers and said unto them, "Follow me for I am the glorious all knowing leader that must take over the automotive industry in America. I will use your money to buy up stock and bail out the failing companies and I will be able to control all of their future decisions for I am the all wise and glorious Barack Obama." Again the gathering bowed and praised the all knowing savior Barack Obama.
Again the glorious savior of the west called upon his followers to gather before him and said unto them, "I am the great all knowing wise man that you have chosen to lead you into the prosperous land of the future. Now I find doubters amongst my people. Now I tell you we are at a time of great crisis and something must be done. As I have led you out of the great recession our future is now threatened by the great Health Care debate. I am the wise one and I have the answer. I have given great bribes to and even committed extortion against my Democrat Disciples in Congress. They will pass a Health Care Bill giving me more power and taxing you more. This must be done now for we are standing on the edge of a great cliff but I shall lead us away and back into the land of prosperity."
As his followers looked up the great majority saw the all knowing and glorious leader looking more like the Emperor with no clothes. The words coming from the great one seemed hollow and similar to the failed promises they had heard before.
Sensing his followers had fallen in numbers the great one decided to take his message to the world, for they must surely still believe him to be the great savior from the west.
With arrogance and pride at his side he soared forth on the mighty wings of Air Force One. He landed with great expectations and promises of good tidings to all nations that would listen to his glorious words of wisdom.
As he stood upon his mound and looked down upon the Nations of the World that had gathered at the Mount Of Copenhagen, he said unto them, "Listen and follow me for I am the Savior From The West, the One and Only Barack Obama. All of you Nations of great wealth and prosperity give up your monies and treasures, bankrupt your countries so that you can give your wealth to the less fortunate countries in Africa and the Middle East. Follow my lead for I have already suckered my country into doing this very thing I ask of you. The earth is warming and the climate is changing and if you do not do as I ask we are all doomed. We must stop the carbon emissions and reverse global warming before the Poles melt and the Oceans rise. I am the great Obama, listen and follow or you all shall perish."
And the great multitudes of Nations arose and said unto the Great One, "Uh not so fast bub. This ain't America and you ain't so great."
"What's in this for us", said the smaller Nations?
"What's in it for me", said China?
And Obama said unto the smaller Nations, "I'll give you money."
The smaller Nations said, "Ok, how about $30 Billion."
Obama said unto China, "Please, pretty please I'll give you money."
And China said, "Don't be stupid. You're going to borrow money from us just to give it back to us with interest, boy is this guy stupid or what. Look Barack we own you and therefore we have to save you from yourself. No deal the meeting is over."
With this the great one returned to his bankrupt nation of fewer and fewer followers and said unto those few that would listen, "I have returned and bring you great promises from the rest of the world. I have achieved unprecedented promises from world leaders to think about cutting their carbon emissions and all it will cost you is another $30 Billion to begin with. We may give up some more jobs, but I have saved the world from global warming and climate change for I am the great all knowing Barack Obama. So it has been written, let it be done."