Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Doctor No Prescription For Consumer

The following transcript between Doctor No (Barack Obama) and his patient Ms. Consumer was made available by the patient for public viewing. State_of_America makes no claim to the accuracy of the patient's (Consumer) recollection of Doctor No's prescription since the good doctor's prescriptions are always verbal and off the record.

Patient: Good morning Doctor my name is Ms. Consumer. You come highly recommended by my Democrat friends.

Dr. No: Good morning. Yes I have been endorsed by some of the biggest names in the party. I must tell you I am highly educated and have a great deal of experience in all matters. By the way you must not believe some of the things Republicans are saying about me, they just want to scare you and did I mention I am black. And uh don't worry about my past associations, I've thrown most of them under the bus. Did I tell you I have a Master's in Elitism and a Doctorate's in Arrogance. So!

Patient: Oh I never listen to what Republicans say and yes I can tell you are quite Arrogant and I can see the Elitism just by how you act. I must say I am impressed.

Dr. No: So how can I help you?

Patient: Well doctor its the economy and the high prices we are paying at the pumps. I just don't know how much longer I can handle paying this much.

Dr. No: Yes I completely understand and agree the price is fairly high. I plan on doing something about that in my first term as President but there may not be a significant fall in the price until I am into my second term. It could take up to 10 years.

Patient: But doctor the price is effecting everything from food to clothes to the rate of unemployment. My children's school has stopped providing bus service, now I have to provide a way of getting them to and from school, plus their after school activities.

Dr. No: Have you discussed this with your local school board? This sounds like something they should be concerned with. Maybe they are not taxing enough in your local and state government to provide for the needs of your community. How many kids do you have?

Patient: Two, one is in elementary and the other is in middle school so I have to drive them in the morning and pick them up in the afternoon. Their schools are 7 miles apart and the closest one to our home is 10 miles so this is creating a big problem with my job.

Dr. No: Have you considered having your husband drive your children or maybe getting together with your friends and carpooling. Carpooling would really help cut back on how much energy you are consuming and help cut down on pollutants you are contributing to the environment, but also it will help reduce the negative impact you are having on global warming.

Patient: But doctor I'm a widow. My husband was killed in a car accident and we couldn't afford life insurance. I had to find a job to raise our kids and the only thing I could find was $8.00 an hour. After all of the local, state and federal tax is taken out there barely is enough for food, a place to live, and clothing for my kids.

Dr. No: I see, Have you considered going back to school, maybe a trade school, something that will get you into a better occupation so you can make more money?

Patient: I don't know if I have the time between working and my kids, I was considering a part time job. Doctor what do you think about maybe drilling for more oil? Would that help to bring down the price of gas so maybe it wouldn't cost so much to get back and forth to the places I have to drive? I've been selling blood for plasma twice a week to fill my car but I'm beginning to get a little weak.

Dr. No: I understand your situation fully and I'm going to write you a prescription, wait I'm going to give you a verbal prescription. Listen up.

a) Vote for me this Nov
b) Trade in your gas guzzler for a more efficient vehicle, maybe electric or Hybrid
c) Find a babysitter so you can go back to school, learn a trade
d) Cut back where you can so you can learn to live with high gas prices
e) Find a school closer to your home so your kids can walk
f) Talk to your kids, make them understand they cannot participate in after school programs
g) Turn your lights down, open your windows and don't use air condition
h) This winter put on extra clothing and sweaters don't use as much heat in your home
i) Find a husband so your kids will have a stay at home father
j) Vote for me and you'll get a tax credit after I'm elected, and even government health insurance

Patient: But doctor, what about drilling offshore to help bring down the prices? And oh by the way, my husband was driving one of those little Smart cars when the brakes failed and he drove under a semi-truck.

Doctor No: NO, we must protect our pristine beaches. In 20 or 30 years we will be off oil and we will all be driving cars that don't need gas or oil. Trust me,... So.

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